Happiness: Teddy Bears and Babies
by Vinividivinci
Summary: Part of the Happiness series. With his baby on the way, Jack gets a surprise in the form of a new alien. Silliness abounds


_**Pure absolute silliness! This story is very much like my story With Asgard Apologies - so**_**my apologies. I was in a silly mood and just kept typing even though it's something I've sort of done. I hope you enjoy this nonsense!**

Jack was leaning back in his chair, his feet up on his desk. Everything was right in his world for a change, and he was enjoying it.

Neely was gone! He had wished her all the best, given her a going away card with a gift-card enclosed, walked with her to the door of the office and watched as she moved down the hallway to become General Sinclair's assistant. He softly closed the door behind her, paused a moment, and then did a little happy dance.

"She's gone!" He said again as he contemplated his office. He felt a momentary twinge of guilt, but it didn't last. He knew they'd both be much happier with her working for the by-the-book Sinclair. She had never understood him and he had understood her too well. She had no sense of humor and a stick up her –

There was a tap on the door which interrupted his thoughts. He put on his stern Lieutenant General face and called, "come", dropping his feet to the floor.

"Paul!" he said, delight clear in his voice. "Come in, come in."

"Sorry to bother you Sir. Your assistant wasn't in the outer office."

Jack smirked and just waved the man into a chair. "Sit Major", he told the other man. "Uh, Captain Neely has left me", he told the other man with a big grin.

"And you're obviously – not – broken up about it Sir?"

"No. It was a mutual decision – or at least I convinced her it was. She'll be much happier with Stewart."

"I'm sure she wi – I mean – I'm sure she'll miss you General."

"No she won't", he grinned. "And I _definitely_ won't miss her." He frowned suddenly seeming to realize he wasn't sounding very gracious. "Don't get me wrong – she's very good at what she does it's just -"

"Not your type?" Davis said, recalling the General's words the last time he'd been in.

"Exactly. So, what brings you here today?"

"Uh – I don't know Sir. I had a message you wanted to see me."

"Oh. Right. Of course I did." O'Neill grinned, looking like a little boy rather than a distinguished three star general. "I wanted to tell you that I had a chance to speak with Chetwind."

"Yes Sir?" Davis looked surprised.

"Yes. I told him that I was getting a lot of hassle from the diplomats and that I wished I had someone working for me who was good at handling them. He told me he might have just the right man." O'Neill grinned again. "Guess who?"

"Me Sir?" Davis started to smile.

"Yup. Of course he wanted something in return."

Davis smile turned to a frown. "I hope it wasn't anything too bad Sir. I'd hate to think -"

Jack waved his objection away. "Nah. It turns out Chetwind is a rabid fisherman."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"No, I didn't either. In fact, we had quite a good chat about it. In the end he said he'd let you go so that you could serve as my attaché."

"And – in return Sir?"

"Oh, I'm letting him use my cabin for a week. There's great fishing up there and he'll be in heaven. So Paul, are you still okay about reporting to me?"

Davis broke out into a huge smile. "Yes Sir! Thank you General. I look forward to it and to helping you with the diplomats."

"Yes well – " Jack got an impish grin. "You can start tomorrow. I have a meeting with the representatives on Friday about our latest weapons testing. Here's the report", he handed a stack of papers to poor Paul. "Anything you can do to convince them they _don't_ all need to have their people there would be great."

Paul looked at the paper and then up at Jack. "Certainly Sir", he said, sounding somewhat doubtful. He knew he was in for a challenging time working for General O'Neill. He also knew it was probably going to be one of the more rewarding opportunities of his career.

Jack walked down the hallway of the Pentagon, clearly at peace with the world. His job was going well, he was married to the most amazing woman in the world, he had the best friends anyone could have, and he had a baby on the way. What more could a guy ask?

He felt a strange sensation and the next thing he knew he was walking, not down the long corridors of the Pentagon, but in a location he'd never been before. "What the -!"

"Greetings O'Neill", a strange voice startled him.

He whirled around as the voice had come from behind him. "Who the hell are you? And where the _hell_ am I?"

Standing in front of him was a strange looking – something. He guessed it was humanoid. At least it had two arms, two legs and a head. But it definitely wasn't a human from Earth – nor was it an Asgard, the usual culprit when he was zapped up instantly to a new location.

The guy, he assumed it was a guy, although he really had no idea, was tall – almost seven feet by his estimation. He – he decided to call it a he even though he had no clue what sex – if any – it was - was also very, very thin. In fact, Jack wondered how he managed to stay vertical. He almost looked like a walking skeleton. Ooh, not a nice thought Jack.

But a correct one. The creature's bones were prominent and it looked as if someone had taken his skin and stretched it right over his skeleton. The eyes were huge in the boney face – for a brief moment Jack wondered if this was some really ugly cousin of the Asgard. The blinks reminded him of Thor, but that was about it.

Then there was his color. Jack could only describe it as a dirty gray – a funereal gray - yuck. There was no color to the guy – even his eyes were gray. His hair, what there was of it, was dark gray and sprouted up from the top of his head. Jack couldn't see any body hair, even on his face. Good thing, he thought. That would have looked just – creepy.

"So, who are you?" he asked again, when he'd had time to look the guy over.

"I am Hrshtvlgrmlkrt", the being answered.

Jack stared at him blankly for all of three seconds. "Okay Herman, now on to the second question, _where the hell am I_?"

Herman blinked and Jack had the strange sensation that this skinny alien was surprised. "You are on my ship" he answered, as if that was obvious.

Things were good, Jack reminded himself. This was just a little – blip – in his day. He'd get this figured out and have the alien return him to the Pentagon. Oh yeah, wouldn't _that_ cause an uproar. Okay then, he'd have him return him directly to his office. "I _know_ I'm on your ship, or at least _a_ ship. But I don't know who you are, or why I'm on your ship or _where the hell it is_? Now, let's start again. _Who_ are you and why have you brought me here?"

"I am Hrshtvlgrmlkrt", the alien answered patiently. "And you are on my ship because I have brought you here."

"Why?' asked Jack, breathing deeply. He had Teal'c's voice in his brain saying 'breathe O'Neill. Be patient, everything will be fine. Breathe'. Okay Teal'c, I'm damn well breathing.

"Because I was to bring you."

"What for?" Jack glared at the walking skeleton.

The – thing – had the audacity to tilt its head and look as if _he_ – Jack O'Neill – was the crazy one.

"To honor you", it – he – the _thing_ said softly, patronizingly.

"Great! Thanks Herman! This has been – special. I'm truly honored. Now _send me back_!"

Herman tilted his head the other way. "I cannot."

"_What_? Why not?"

"Because you are expected."

"I'm _expected_? Where the hell am I expected."

"On Frpzskptrl."

"Oh – on Flurp-ziskol. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did."

"Right. Okay – why don't you call up the people – or" he made a waving gesture with his hand "whatever – on Floop – watzit – and tell them that unfortunately I had a cold and couldn't make it but that I send my best regards?"

"You have a cold?" Herman asked, sounding worried.

"Yes, yes I have a cold", he coughed loudly. "A very, very _bad _cold. In fact, I'm probably highly contagious and I've heard it's a strain that is deadly on Furploozit."

"What is a cold?"

Jack stared again and then shook his head slightly. "Uh, it's a deadly disease", he explained. "I really need to be at home – _my_ home, in bed, with my wife by my side. I may not make it."

Herman lifted his hand and put it out, palm first, towards Jack. An eerie glow appeared and Jack could feel it shine on him, like some kind of warm light.

"You are cured", Herman told him. "Come, we must go and prepare you."

"What? Hey no. And how do you know I'm cured?"

"I am able to cure all disease", the alien informed him gently. "I have removed all illness from your body and repaired all damage done in the past. You are perfectly well and shall remain so."

"Really?" Jack did a couple of quick knee bends. "Well I'll be damned! Uh – how long will I remain this way?"

"Permanently", Herman informed him.

"Permanently? As in – forever?"

"Yes. Come."

"Wait – where are we going?"

"I have told you, we are going to Frpzskptry."

"I mean now?"

"To prepare you."

"I got that but what does that mean? And _where _are you taking me to prepare me." He really didn't like the sound of that, envisioning all sorts of weird alien machines that were going to turn him into a midget or something – a very healthy midget – but a midget nonetheless.

"We go to the preparation room", Herman informed him, somewhat impatiently. He turned and began to walk away, only stopping when he realized the human was not following him. "Come."

"Uh uh. Not until you tell me what you're planning to do to me."

"I told you, we are going to -"

"Prepare me – I get it. But _how_? Are you going to turn me into a – a _flea_ or something? Or paint me blue? What do you mean by prepare?"

Herman blinked again. His blinks were almost as expressive as Thor's although not nearly as patient. Jack rather got the impression that the emaciated alien didn't like him.

"We shall provide you with materials to bathe and then will present you with clothing more suitable for the Clmkrtkn."

"Oh, I _see_. I'm going to bathe and change for the Clumpkurtan. Is _that_ all?"

"Yes, although it appears to be a much greater task than I had anticipated", the alien answered with a deep sigh.

Ooh – sarcasm from the alien twig! Jack had to appreciate that. It's what he would have done if the situation was reversed. Damn it. He wished the situation was reversed.

"Okay Herman -"

"My name is Hrshtvlgrmlkrt", old toothpick said, sounding _really_ irritated.

"Okay Hursh – Hustvo – Herman. You've got to understand something here. I was just walking along, enjoying my day, happy to be finished and going home to see my_ very pregnant_ wife, when I was kidnapped and brought to your ship. I don't know you – I have no idea who you are or what you want with me, but I am _not_ going anywhere to bathe and change, other than to my very own bathroom in my very own house. You can just put me back where you found me and go about your alien business. You _got _that?"

Blink. "You do not know me?"

"Uh no", answered Jack, surprised at the expression of – chagrin – on the alien's face. "Should I?"

"Did Thor not explain?"

"Thor? I haven't talked to Thor for ages. What was he supposed to explain?"

Suddenly old Herse-man looked deflated. "That changes things", he said with a sigh. "Thor was to tell you about the decision of the Council and to explain that someone was to come to retrieve you and take you to the ceremony."

"_What_ ceremony, where and why?"

"I told you, to -"

"To _honor_ me. Honor me for _what_ and _who_ is honoring me? Who is this Council – are you talking about the Asgard High Council? And _who the hell are you_?"

Blink. Blink. "There has been an oversight", Herm said. "You were to have been informed. I do not know what to do. I believe the best thing is for you to come with me and the Council can explain and then we can go ahead with the ceremony."

"Alright – you listen Hermostasis! The best thing is for you to _return me to Earth_. You can go and talk to the Council on your own and tell them about the oversight. You can then contact Thor and have him come and explain everything, the way he was supposed to. After that, you can all go and shove your celebration up your tiny little asses and _leave me alone._"

Again with the head slant. "What are 'asses'?"

"Aaaaargh", Jack screamed. "Just get me home. My wife is going to have a baby you moron!"

This time Herman not only blinked, he frowned as well – a bad look on the cadaverous kidnapper. "A baby? What is this 'baby'?"

"What is – you don't know what a baby is?" Jack asked incredulously. Maybe these guys were related to the Asgard after all and simply cloned themselves. Although if that was the case they should have definitely considered changing the model. They were really butt ugly.

"No." Blink. Blink.

"A baby is – a small human, very small. It's our offspring. You know – there's a Mommy and a Daddy and they love each other _very_ much and nine and a half months later a little baby is born to the Mommy and Daddy. _That's_ what a baby is and I'm gonna have one any minute now!" he yelled.

"And you wish to be present?" The alien sounded as if Jack was crazy for wanting any such thing.

"Of course I want to be present. It's _my_ child."

"I understood you to say it was a baby?"

"I did", Jack said, looking confused.

"But now you say it is a child. Which is it?"

"It's – _both. _A baby is a child – they're _symonims, _for god's sake. "I mean synomims – hell, they're two words that mean the same thing!"

"I see."

"I'm glad you see. Very glad you see so now – send me back to Earth!"

"May I see the baby?" Herman asked.

"May you – it's not born yet."

"Not born yet. What does that mean?"

"It means it's still in its Mommy's tummy", Jack said, trying to be patient, although not very hard. His patience had pretty much died out at the 'preparation' thingy.

"In its tummy? What -"

"It's inside my wife, okay!" he yelled. "The baby grows inside its mother for nine and a half months – _Earth_ months and then it comes out. For god's sake, don't you have sexual reproduction at all on your planet? I mean, you must have some animals, even if you don't do it yourselves!"

"We do not replicate", Herman told him. "Nor do we have animals, although I have heard of such things." Another blink. "How does it come out?"

Jack's head dropped down. He knew it. He had been too happy, too relaxed and the universe had reared up and bitten him in the butt again. He just wanted to go home. "I can't really explain", he answered, sounding tired. "I just want to go home, okay? I miss my wife and I don't want to miss the birth of my child. It's a special event for humans – very special. Please, can you just take me home?"

Blink, head tilt, blink. "Yes. I shall take you home. May I meet your wife?"

Jack looked at Herman, considering. He didn't think the alien was dangerous, but he didn't like the idea of him – it – coming anywhere near Sam. He didn't even know who the guy was. "Uh – can you tell me who you are? I mean, what race and how do you know Thor?"

"Did I not explain?"

"No", Jack rolled his eyes. "You did _not_ explain. I only know your name – sort of – and that you were taking me to a ceremony to honor me. Other than that I pretty much know squat."

"What is -"

"Aaargh! It just means nothing, okay. So, _who are you_?"

"I am Hrshtvlgrmlkrt of the Furlings. We are allies of the Asgard."

"The _Furlings_? Really? Wow, I always wondered what you guys looked like." He peered at Herman for a second. "I must admit you're not what I imagined at all."

Herman bowed his head. "We have not been in this part of the galaxy for many millennia and were surprised when we heard of the accomplishments of the humans from Earth. When we were last here you were – at a much different stage in your development."

"Living in caves and grunting were we?"

Another bow of the head. "But we understood that it was because of you that the Goa'uld have been defeated. For that the four races decided to honor you."

"_Four_ races? I mean I know the Asgard and the Nox, and now I've met you but aren't the Ancients rather – you know – kaput?"

"Kaput?"

Jack sighed. "Gone. Aren't they gone?"

"Gone? Yes, they have ascended."

"Well then, how could _four_ races decide to honor me?"

Another couple of blinks. "I shall take you home now", Herman said, sounding like his patience was about to run out.

"Good. Great. Super. Just take me – home." Jack looked around, to see a bunch of people in the hallway staring at him as if he'd just appeared out of nowhere. "Oops", he said. "Uh – it's a secret Air Force experiment having to do with misdirection of the ocular cortex", he said swiftly. He received a couple of grins, one frown and one head shake and the people moved off. He thanked the stars that he was married to a geek and his best friend was a geek which allowed him to talk in geekalise. He grinned slightly as he headed out of the building. Sam would have been proud.

"Honey, I'm home!" he called as he appeared in their bedroom. He'd quickly gone back to his house in DC and transported himself to their house in Colorado Springs. His neighbors in DC must think he's the world's quietest neighbor.

"Jack, I'm in here!" Sam's voice called to him from the living room.

With a smile he quickly changed out of his uniform and put on old, grubby clothes. "There Herman – I'm prepared the way _I _like", he muttered to himself. With that he made his way down the stairs.

"Hey swee – Daniel? What are you doing here? And Teal'c? What's going on?" He looked between the three people he cared about most in this world, sure that something was up.

"Well, when Sam said you were late coming home, and she couldn't reach you, she called us", Daniel explained.

"Okay", he frowned. He glanced over at Sam, who was lying down on the couch, looking big and uncomfortable. "I wasn't gone _that_ long", he said.

"I know", she smiled, although the smile immediately turned into a slight grimace, "although I was a bit worried when I couldn't reach you. Is everything okay?"

"Well yeah." At his half-hearted answer his wife and friends all looked at him worriedly. "Oh, there's nothing bad, just irritating. I was on my way home when I was beamed up to a ship" he explained.

"Beamed?" Teal'c asked. "What it Thor?"

"No. I mean for a second that's what I thought but when I turned around it was to see the world's ugliest alien", he frowned. "No, I think I'd have to give that to the Unas or maybe that fish-guy – but anyway, he was ugly."

"But who was he Jack?" his loving wife asked, now even more worried.

"Oh, he said he was a Furling."

"A_ Furling_?" Daniel and Sam cried together. Even Teal'c looked surprised.

"Uh huh. At least that's who he said he was although he didn't look like a Furling to me!"

"Uh Jack – how do you know what a Furling looks like. No one has ever seen one before."

"D'uh – _Fur-_ling Daniel. How do you _think_ they're supposed to look?"

"I don't think their name has anything to do with whether or not they're furry Jack."

"Well then they shouldn't call themselves that! They should call themselves the Cadaverings or something."

"Cad – Jack, what did the Furling look like?" Daniel asked patiently.

"Just like that", he paused at the blank look on everyone's face. "Like a _cadaver_ Daniel. You know, a walking dead person."

"I know what a cadaver is Jack, although I don't think they usually walk."

"Well, this guy did. Did I tell you he was ugly?"

"You did. But you didn't tell us what he wanted?" Sam looked up at him and he frowned. She looked rather – strange, although he couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.

"Uh, he wanted me", he told her succinctly.

"I gathered that but _what for_?"

"Oh – to honor me. At least that's what he said. Look", when he saw everyone start to get a bit irritated at him. "Thor was supposed to drop by and explain things to me but for some reason he didn't. This guy – Herman – thought I knew about it and was surprised when I told him I wasn't going to go with him to some ceremony honoring me. After that he brought me back."

"And that's _it_?" Daniel looked at him as if he was crazy. What was it today? He wasn't crazy at all – the universe was.

"Yeah, that's about it. I guess the Council – and I don't know which council he meant– felt that we'd done well by getting rid of the Goa'uld and wanted to honor us. I guess I was chosen as the token representing humans. Anyway, when I explained I knew nothing about it he brought me back."

"Thank God", Sam said, and grimaced again.

"Hey – what's going on? Sam, are you alright?"

"She is in labor O'Neill", Teal'c kindly explained. "It was for that reason that she called us."

"Oh." He stared blankly for a moment and then got a big grin and squatted down beside her. "Hey", he said softly, "are you okay?"

"Mmm hmm", she nodded and smiled. "It's early yet. I didn't really need to have the guys over but I was bored. I'm glad you're alright. I hate to think of aliens just coming by and kidnapping you at the drop of the hat."

"You and me both! Although it was the returning me that was a bit awkward."

"Why?" Daniel and Teal'c both wanted to know.

"Because he plunked me straight back into the hallway of the Pentagon. There were a bunch of people there that saw me reappear."

"Really? What did you do?"

"I spouted a bunch of geek talk – saying it was an experiment – and everyone accepted it and left. You should be proud of me", he said, laying his head on the little bit of his wife's lap that was left.

"Of course I am", she told him, running her fingers through his hair.

"I would really have liked to have heard this 'geek' talk", Daniel smirked. "So, tell me more about the Furling. You said his name was _Herman_?"

"Yes – well, not exactly but I couldn't pronounce his real name. And before you get all righteous Daniel, _you_ wouldn't have been able to pronounce it either. I don't think they use vowels."

Jack let Daniel ask a few more questions, although his attention was focused totally on his wife. He was so excited and nervous and - excited! "You okay?" he asked, after he watched her have another contraction.

"I'm fine. It doesn't hurt that badly yet. We have hours to go. In fact, I'd like to take a walk."

"A _walk_", her husband asked. "Why do you want a walk right now?"

"Because it'll help the baby come faster. Come on, don't be lazy. You can walk me around the block." Jack scowled but helped his wife to stand – relishing how good his knees still felt. He wondered if Herman's words about healing him were true. He'd have to ask Thor.

"Okay, come on then. Daniel, Teal'c, just make yourselves at home." He knew he didn't really have to say it because both of the men already had. Jack and Sam's was their second home and they were frequently over.

They made their way slowly around the block while Jack told Sam – more seriously this time – about his encounter with the alien. "He talked about the four races but when I asked about the Ancients he ignored me. I just wish Thor would show up!"

Eventually Sam needed to go back inside and sit down. Her contractions were coming more regularly and much more strongly and she needed a rest and to concentrate. "Let's play poker", she suggested.

"Poker?" Jack's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "Are you _up_ to playing poker?"

"Of course I am. I'm having a baby, Jack", she said, as if that explained everything.

"Okay, but you realize of course that this will probably turn our kid into a gambler! What's he gonna say when he realizes that his Mommy played poker as he was being born."

"Or as _she_ was being born", he wife said, a grin on her face. "Teal'c, you deal. I'll be your partner O'Neill, just so we keep it all in the family!"

They played poker for the next couple of hours with a break every five minutes as Sam breathed her way through the contraction. Jack looked down at the pile of toothpicks in front of him and shook his head. Here she was, in labor, and he was the expectant father and they were cleaning up on their friends.

"How come you guys are playing so badly tonight", Jack finally asked as he scooped in more toothpicks.

"How _come_?" Daniel looked at him like he had two heads. "Sam's in labor for god's sake. It's – distracting!"

"But she's not distracted and I'm doing pretty well", Jack smirked. "You're just a wimp Jackson!"

"I am not!"

"Yes you are – and so is Teal'c."

"I am not a wimp O'Neill", Teal'c said in his stately manner. "I am just showing empathy for Samantha in this time of great change."

"You're a wimp Teal'c!" Jack crowed. His wife rolled her eyes and then gasped.

"Oh crap", she muttered.

"What? What's oh crap? What do you mean? Is something wrong?" Jack looked at her desperately.

"No – my water just broke", she said calmly. "I guess we need to get going to the hospital."

Teal'c was frowning and finally opened his mouth to speak –

"I'll explain later Teal'c", Daniel told him. "I'll get the car and meet you out front. Come on Teal'c, you can come with me."

No one – not Jack or Sam, Teal'c or Daniel seemed to think there was anything strange about the fact that Sam was escorted to the hospital by her husband and two other men. When they arrived, they all followed the wheelchair in and continued to follow her as she was taken to a labor room. It was the nurse who finally stood in front of their two friends and blocked the way.

"I'm sorry gentleman, you'll have to wait in the waiting room."

"What? No, we're with them", Daniel pointed to the closed door behind which Jack and Sam had disappeared.

"I understand, but you can't go in there. It is for women in labor and their partner's only."

"You do not understand nurse", Teal'c said ponderously. "We are Colonel Carter's friends as well as O'Neill's. We must be there."

"I don't care if you're an alien from Mars! You cannot go in there!"

"I am from Chulak", Teal'c told her seriously. "There is no life on Mars."

"Okay – out! Get out of here and don't let me see you here until the doctor says you can go in!"

Even Teal'c looked a little intimidated by the white robed woman – even if she was no more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds.

"Wow – she really didn't want us there, did she?"

"No", Teal'c answered shortly. "I do believe she may have been the host to a Goa'uld at one time."

Daniel laughed, although at Teal'c's frown he stopped. "Uh, you're kidding, right?"

"I am not."

Jack was standing back, feeling useless as the nurse helped his wife change out of her clothes and put on a gown. The next moment the doctor came in and checked her to see how far along she was. He stood there calmly, pretending that the whole thing didn't gross him out. It wasn't the idea of childbirth that bothered him, it was having someone check up his wife's –

"You're at seven centimeters Sam", the doctor said, lifting her head and pulling down the sheets. "It should go pretty quickly now, although it will still be a while. If you need anything just ask the nurse. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes. Everything looks good."

Jack smiled as she left and turned to his wife in relief. "How ya doin'?" He stood right next to her and took her hand.

"Okay", she answered with a smile, "although it hurts now."

"I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this."

"Don't be silly! I _wanted_ this. I've wanted your child for a long –" she stopped as the contraction started. He stuck with her through it, holding her hand and helping her concentrate on her breathing. After it was over he offered her a drink of water.

"So, you wanted my child for a long time eh? Since when?"

She looked like she was deep in thought for a moment and then grinned. "Oh, since the Broca virus episode I guess. I mean, it was then that I realized what a strong, sexy man you were."

"You did not!" he scoffed. "If it hadn't of been for that virus you wouldn't even have looked at me."

"Are you crazy?" she asked. "I looked at you from the moment I met you. I used to have lots of sexy dreams about you. You were _so_ cute."

"And what – I'm not cute now?"

"Of course you are", she reached up and pinched his cheek. "You're my cute, sexy General and I want to have" another contraction came, "your baby", she gasped when she was done.

He stayed with her for what seemed like hours. It only dawned on him after the first hour or so that he hadn't seen or heard from Teal'c or Daniel. He excused himself for a moment to find the two morose looking men sitting in the waiting room.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked.

"We are waiting for permission to enter the room", Teal'c told him. "The nurse informed us we could not go in until then. She has been watching us", he glared at the sweet looking nurse over by the nurse's station.

"Oh – well, you can come it now. Sam wants to see you."

Daniel and Teal'c followed him towards the labor room. As they walked by the nurse Teal'c turned and glared. "We have permission", he told her.

After they went by Jack turned and winked at the nurse. She bit her lip to stop from smiling.

"Sam, how are you?" Daniel rushed up to her bed, looking worriedly at the tired, sweaty looking woman.

"I'm fine Daniel – just ready to have this baby."

"If you are ready shall we leave?" Teal'c wanted to know.

"No – I mean, I'm not going to have it yet – I meant I _want_ to have it now."

"I understand", the alien nodded. "I too am anxious to see the arrival of your offspring. It will be adorable."

All eyes turned and stared at him. "What?" he looked from person to person. "Is that not correct?"

"Uh, yes, it's correct", Jack told him. "Just not what I expected from you Teal'c."

"I understand. I overheard Captain Sanders from Sg5 say your child would be adorable O'Neill. She said it would probably have Colonel Carter's eyes along with your smile. She also said that if it was a boy it would be lucky to have your big -"

"_Teal'c!_" Jack exclaimed.

"Jack, is there something you'd like to tell me?" his loving wife looked at him fiercely, a distinct twinkle in her eye.

"_NO_! I don't even know Captain Sanders and there's no way she's seen my-"

"Biceps", Teal'c asked.

"_Biceps_?" the General said, sounding bewildered. "She commented on my _biceps_?"

"I believe so O'Neill. At least that is what I think she was speaking of."

Daniel was grinning like a fish, although he grew a bit more sober when Sam had another contraction. He really didn't know how women could handle this much pain. "So Sam", he said when she relaxed and drank some water from the straw, "was it Jack's big – biceps you were attracted to?"

"His biceps?" she looked over at her spouse. "No, it was his ass that attracted me."

Since Jack had just taken a sip of water at that moment, the spray was quite impressive. Once he'd dried up he glared at his wife. "You would have killed me if I'd said anything like that."

"Well I should hope so", his wife said, "it would be weird if you were attracted to your own ass."

Jack rolled his eyes. "That baby needs to get here to keep your mind off -" he paused.

"Off what Jack?" she grinned.

"Off my ass. Now let's concentrate!"

The baby arrived almost two hours later. By this time Sam was too exhausted to take part in any kind of joking around and her men focused on helping her through the last bit of labor. She pushed like a trooper when it was time, with Jack's love and support helping her through it.

When the baby came out in a rush of fluid there was a tiny cry and then silence. Jack cut the cord and gently laid the baby on his wife's abdomen. He then reached down and kissed her gently. "You did it!"

"No, we did it?" she smiled at him through her tears. "I love you Jack."

"And I love you too", he kissed her again, "Mommy!"

Teal'c and Daniel were finally kicked out of the room when the nurse told them to leave so she could get Sam cleaned up. Jack stood and held the baby, entranced by the small red, squashed face. When Sam was finished he laid the baby gently in her arms so that she could continue nursing.

At that moment the door opened and his two friends walked in. "Is it safe? Can we come in?"

"Yeah, the Goa'uld is gone", Jack informed them.

Teal'c glanced around the room, frowning. "Was there really a Goa'uld present O'Neill?" he asked.

"No Teal'c – joke! So, who wants to hold the baby?"

Daniel reached out first and then oohed and aahed as he held the tiny bundle. "Beautiful", he smiled. "You're so lucky Sam, Jack!"

"That we are Daniel. Teal'c, your turn?"

Teal'c carefully put his arms out and accepted the small warm package. He stared down for a few seconds, his expression giving nothing away. "Is it normal for a human child to be so – red?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, that's normal."

Teal'c nodded. A moment later he spoke again. "The child's nose is crooked."

"That's just from the birth Teal'c – it'll straighten out soon."

"And what of the pointy ears?"

Jack sighed. "See what _your_ ears would look like if you'd been squashed through a tiny hole!"

"But will they return to normal?" the Jaffa asked.

"Yes Teal'c", Sam laughed. "They'll return to normal. Like Jack said, it's just as a result of the birth."

Teal'c nodded and continued to look at the infant. "Daniel is correct. It is extremely beautiful." And both Jack and Sam could tell that he was sincere.

Sam was finally settled and the baby was asleep. They would keep her for another few hours and if everything was okay she and the baby would be sent home. She could hardly wait.

"Jack?" his wife asked.

"Is this your 'baby', O'Neill?"

Sam screamed at the sudden appearance of a tall skinny – m – alien! "Jack?" she asked, once she got her voice back.

"Herman! What the hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see your baby. Is this it?"

Jack stepped in front of Sam and glared at the Furling. "What are you doing here? This is private."

"I am sorry. I did not know that. I come on behalf of the entire Furling race to congratulate you and wish you well." He slowly turned his hand, palm out. Before Jack realized what was going on, a warm light shone on Sam and the baby.

"They are healthy", he said to Jack.

"You – what did you do?" Jack asked, suddenly terrified for his wife and child.

"I simply did to them what I did to you. They are both in perfect health and shall remain so. It is the gift of the Furlings."

"I – well – okay. You just better not have hurt them!"

It was at that moment that a bright light shone and suddenly Thor was in their room. Jack sincerely hoped a nurse wouldn't walk in anytime soon. There was no way he could pass these two aliens off and anything other than – aliens.

"Thor! Buddy. What the hell is going on?"

Thor didn't answer but instead looked over at the Furling. "Hrshtvlgrmlkrt, what are you doing here?"

"I came to retrieve O'Neill, but he said you had not spoken with him yet. He insisted that I return him to Earth as he was expecting a baby. His baby has just arrived."

"Really?" Thor looked around until he saw Samantha Carter holding onto the small bundle. "O'Neill, Colonel Carter – you have my congratulations and that of the Asgard people. I hope you and the infant are well?"

"They are" Hrshtvlgrmlkrt answered. "I have healed them."

"Truly?" Thor looked impressed. "O'Neill, Colonel Carter, you are very fortunate. When the Furlings heal they do so permanently and completely. Barring a major accident you will live long and healthy lives."

"Okay, so that's good to know. Now, what is this about a ceremony to honor me?"

"It was my job to come and explain to you and to invite you to a ceremony on Kineesa. It is in recognition of your service to the galaxy. I do apologize. I was to have been here yesterday to explain but was delayed. I hope it did not inconvenience you?"

"Uh – no – yes – well, I guess it doesn't matter. Herman here seemed to think it was important though."

"Herman?" Thor looked at him and blinked. "Oh, you mean Hrshtvlgrmlkrt?"

"Yeah, that's the guy. I need to know a bit more."

"I understand O'Neill, and I shall be happy to explain. In the meantime, may I ask what you have had?"

"Yeah – a baby Thor."

"You had a baby Thor?" Herman asked in surprise. "I did not believe that was the way that human reproduction worked."

"No – I mean – hell, Thor, Herman – meet my son." He held out the baby so both the aliens could see.

"He is beautiful O'Neill", Thor said softly. "You _are _very fortunate."

"Yes", Jack smiled, "I am."

"This is a baby?" Herman asked finally.

"Yes, this is a baby."

"And it is the same as a child?"

"Yes – the same."

Herman nodded. "Thank you. That is all I need to know. Thor can explain in more detail and we will arrange a convenient time for you to visit and accept your award."

"Okay – right – thanks Herman." Jack smiled, waiting to escort the alien out of the room. As he waited for Herman he turned to look at his wife and friends. "Herman didn't know what a baby was", he explained.

Thor looked up at him and blinked – three times. That meant it was something bad. "O'Neill, Hrshtvlgrmlkrt knows all about babies", Thor told him. "His home world is teaming with life and babies."

Jack slowly turned on his feet until he was looking directly at the alien. Hrshtvlgrmlkrt was smiling – a look that clearly said 'gotcha!".

"You knew all along?" Jack asked softly.

"Yes, but it was very amusing to watch you explain." The alien looked around the room once more and back down at the baby. "I look forward to welcoming you to my planet for the honoring ceremony."

Jack nodded and watched as Hrshtvlgrmlkrt lifted his arm and went to touch controls on the armband. As the scrawny alien slowly dissipated, Jack was sure he heard him say something about 'Mommy and Daddy loving each other _very_ much."

Once Herman was gone Jack turned back to his wife and son. Everything was right in his world, and he was _so_ gonna enjoy it!


End file.
